Kukuramutta

I realized what a beautiful world i am living in, I know that everybody is trying as hard as they can to make a beautiful world right now and i think that is what is so great about america, we are trying to make a beautiful world right now for everybody to live in, and it is getting better but there are some things we need to deal with ourselves, like over population and senseless breeding i Imagen it is really hard for the government to make those choices right now but that is why we need to look at other world governments and see how they work. then we will know freedom, once we accept the love of this world.

Dogs and Cats are non native, they are human created. imagine how many domestic dogs and cats would suffer and their owners.


I will update with more on this later but if you want to do something now go to

The video clip of what made me fall in love^

oh my god i have such a little school girl crush on Julien MacDonald after watching halfway through season 2 of project catwalk. he is sooooo attractive, it is something about the way he talks i just want to rub his face all over my naked body. I hope he is not gay so i can keep fantasizing about him. I went to his website and i was looking at his beautiful designs and then i was like "OMG i bet Julien Macdonald has hovered his mouse over his collection just like i am now!" and i got very bothered.



But i got even more bothered when i thought i remembered Natasha mentioning something about Fred Durst microwaving bacon and i couldn't remember who he was so i google image searched him and i was just like "Oh" that one douche bag from limp bizkit that everybody hates. hahaha. i bet he is a professional toilet slave.

i think i may have been posessed by a very sour demon over the past fiew months. it seemed to start after an inccident at work and feel like i may have been manipulated and confussed which caused me to worry and cling to things that made me comfortable in an almost obsessive way which unfortunately was poor dire, i tried to move our relationship way too fast. now that i let go though i don't feel that awful feeling i had in my gut, that feeling that caused my ulcer. it was weird at the exact moment i let go i had this stinging sour burp. like a demon of negativity escaped.

I might be moving with natasha somewhere. we are thinking either LA, San Fransisco, Eugene or Portland. We need to find a location with affordable housing and a school that offers the courses we need. even though i haven't reviewed the living cost of these places, i am leaning towards Ptown because my sister is moving there and it would be good to be around family. i want to watch my niece and nephew grow up and i want them to be a part of my life in the future. it's like they fill the role children i don't ever plan on having.

life is good though and i can only keep stepping

Unfortunately i said some things i shouldn't have said trying to wall up my defenses, but now i am feeling better. i let him know that i was wrong to say horrible things and that i still love him, how could i not? i was obsessed with him to the point it made me sick, and i think it just because i felt how exhausted our energies were trying to maintain a long distance relationship that i kicked my affection into over drive.

now i feel much better, i know who i am and where my faults to myself lay and even if i can't change them right now i can work on making them better and getting back on track with myself.

I want a relationship with a man or a woman that isn't going to really be so crazy as my previous, I want a man or a woman that can handle my advancing career and the time i will need to devote to that and socializing and networking with future clients and friends. i can't handle someone that is not full of as much energy and drive to success as me, i can't drag anyone because i only have this time now to shine. if i even need anyone at all.

So there was someone i really cared about that was dear to me that left me. and it is always so hard when you feel like your other half leaves you. but i am sort of relieved because i think i was trying too hard to hold our relationship together. i quite being a vegetarian and spiritual for this person, this person made me horribly afraid of children and getting pregnant, and simply put they didn't love me. but i did learn a lot from them and i am kind of relieved he left me. i have so much to do creatively and spiritually that i suppressed because i was trying to please them with my undying affection.

i want to be a slave to my creativity, i don't want to be a slave to love so i am happy to be free and anxious to rediscover myself and who i am. i am sorry to anyone who i may have disappointed. i may not be moving to California right away, i still need to talk to Natasha, who is sick right now. but i may move with here. i feel like darkness left me though, this person was so mopey and down a lot of the time and i think i was carrying the weight of both of us. i tend to martyr myself for love and forget there is love all around me, there is nothing i have to sacrifice in order to see it's beauty. that is what my god is there for, and all of my friends and kitties that come along. we are here to just be love.

careless breeding, breeding without considering adoption first.

people should view getting a child the same as getting a pet, first try to find one that needs a loving home and if all else fails make one, although i discourage making one unless you are committed to it's well being which includes the well being of the environment of the planet which it will be living on.

So whether this is a hoax or not i am a little offended by the marketing of this video. i feel it is very degrading to women, so much so it may cause deep psychological issues especially in the future. the media is already pushing for women to be the "perfect sex item" which has brought many new illnesses to females, anorexia, bulimia, plastic surgery addict. now this could add unrealistic android expectations for young or weak women.

I think the advert was in very bad taste for the company, i would be interested in her as a house maid but am repelled by the fact that she is obviously marketed for sex. i might be afraid she would leave snail trails while polishing my kitchen floors.

And though it may seem "desperate" sure i would have sex with an android, just for the hell of it, but i wouldn't take it to bed every night, just when i am alone bored and horny or if i felt like a three some but didn't want to do the total turn off of browsing flaccid profiles on swinger dating service sites.

I just think in all fairness there should be a perfect man robot also. And if you care about what your sons and daughters may think of self worth than i may drop the perfect.

as living tangible creatures we should all know nothing is perfect in reality except perhaps one moment in your life and hopefully that is the moment you gaze into the eyes of the person/soul you truly love.

I isolated myself again and i should have listened to natasha. i refrained from keeping in touch with all my local friends because i didn't want to have to deal with the pain of saying good bye and now i am fucked because i am social by nature and i feel very lonely.

i have a weird feeling of not knowing where i am going which makes me feel all the more alone. i am trying to fight this though.

This may be old news to some but i just randomly discovered this on you tube and it was one of those "wtf is going?!" on moments to me.



The Ugandan government is actually exiling the indigenous Batawa Pygmies from the rain forests they have lived in for THOUSANDS of years to declare the rain forest a sanctuary for the gorrilas that live in the forest.

So there is an organization relocating them to Austrailia. There is something that just doesn't make sense and is so primitive about this solution that the Ugandan government has declared. I thought human beings evolved passed the whole relocating indigenous tribes and stealing their land for profit.

Anyway I have been composing a list of charities I want to donate my profits from my designs to and this has definitely made itself an issue.

if you would like some resources that can help protect batwa pygmies and other indigenous tribes people visit these organizations web sites.

http://www.pygmies.net/ - Dr. Scott and Carol Kellermann Official Site for the Pygmy rehabilitation project in australia

http://www.forestpeoples.org/ - The Forest Peoples Programme, Supporting Indigenous forest peoples rights.

http://www.caurwa.org/ The Caurwa organization works to insure the financial integrity of the batwa people.

I am have been on the computer all night trying to find something stimulating to my brain meats but i think they still feel empty and then you get to that hard question. why am i still here? what does my ego want in this body. i don't have much that i keep my ego entertained any more. it is getting a sense of "i have seen it all" it's all just energy condensed into three dimensional matter... i feel satisfied i guess. there is not much that compels me. i had thousands of stories, paintings ideas and projects but none have ever lived up to my expectations. i am not compelled by the hate for my father that i use to feel. i guess lately i haven't been running off of past energies, i am switching to a much cleaner burn with less desire and true want. i am running off of pure love. all though most concepts and images don't arose me anymore i do feel an over whelming amount of love for everything around me lately. i feel like i could warm the world with my arms like sun rays.

maybe i am just a faggot.

I have been busy living the real life of a struggling artist in an economic slumb but things are looking brighter. I feel much more financially stable again and i am being very creative and productive but once again i am cut off from the internet. i actually probably won't invest in internet again until i move to California. i am not often the type of person to have time for the internet because i enjoy being so productive offline manufacturing crafts and perfecting my skills but i still long for the wonder feeling of being able to spread my version of beauty to the world and also being able to soak it up through brightly lit pixels burning my retinas as they radiate from lcd screens. a day will come where i can wallow in the wonder of deviant artists and myspace music and sexy vampire freaks vixens. but for now i must work hard to perfect my skills and move to a city with actual potential and direction for the future i wish to achieve.

i sewed my finger in the sewing machine the other day after 5 hours of nonstop stitchery. i guess it was time for a break. and if you are into pain or have the ability to tolerate mass amounts of pain i actually recommend running an appendage through the sewing machine just for kicks. it leaves a wonderful scar and if you are really fierce you can jab some barbells through and get a few new piercings out of it. of course you may want to check and see that your tetanus shots are all up to date before hand.

Some things that have been inspiring me lately are futuristic green architecture and engineering designs, natural dread locks (which i am proud to have attached to my head), The Devil Makes Three's music, wool fibers and light weight nits in neutral colors, the study of macroscopic structure for potential expansion in my pallet of colors, and last but not least the beauty and wonder of kallaripayattu sword fighting, a little known form of martial arts from india.

I have been amazed by the functional beauty of some of the new green architectural designs in the media. It seems so inspirational and limitless. i would love to see a future in which buildings mingled in with the landscape like mountains. i have so much hope now and feel like we are truly moving into a renaissance that finally incorporates the beauty of the natural world in harmony with humans again. :D






I only wish i had pictures of my dreadlocks i could share with you but unfortunately i have none. hopefully soon. they are my natural color, blonde.

the devil makes three is an amazing new band (to me) that my friend Asig introduced me too. They are from Santa Cruz and apparently tour in southeren oregon all the time. it is folky and funky and makes ya wanna spit yer tobbaco at the 'coons eat'n all the dog food under yer porch and eat a big ol' slice of wawa melon in a pair of beat up ol' over alls. you'll love it.

Check out their music by visiting their myspace at www.myspace.com/thedevilmakesthree

Lately i have been into light weight wool fibers in knit patterns. They are so soft warm and cozy. Not only appealing to the touch and the eye they also look great under a camera lens.



Cashmere Goat



Guanaco



Angora Rabbit



Yak




Cashmere Yarn



Guanaco Yarn



Angora Yarn



Yak Yarn


In addition to regular color pigmentation structural color consists of different layers of transparent color that at to reflect light causing a more luminous color. I am trying to figure out how to integrate this into my artistic designs. Structure color is like the luminosity of a peacock feather or a beetles wings.



and finally the wonderful art of kalaripayattu! first introduced to me in the Bollywood film Asoka which may be my favorite movie, i am fascinated with kalaripayattu! It is a form of sword fighting that originated from kerala, india and kalaripayattu warriors are like the samurai equivalent of india. it is breath taking to watch and dangerous to perform as sword fighters leap to astonishing heights in the air lunging at their enemies.



Unfortunately I could not find the clip where asoka jumps in the air with his sword but I did find a clip where he is using the flexible sharp steel sword called a urumi



and ofcourse i can't leave out the sexy sword training sceene. :P



anway i must go now. thanks for reading my babble.

Lately i have been switching my wardrobe to 100% natural fibers. preferably silk, cotton, linen, angora and cashmere. ditching all the old poly and spandex for my naked lady parties.

however i have been making saris and other clothes out of recycled silk and needed to go to my favorite fabric shop Tribal Creations (now changed to textile connection since people seemed to only think she carried native american fabrics)
in order to get some silk ribbon and thread to border my sari and stuff.

i picked up a beautiful silk from vietnam which is actually the last purple one in the picture to the left.



but in the silk room i discovered what may be my new favorite fabric, the now endangered mashru.

This is the color of mashru i got



which is actually the eurapean style of mashru.

mashru is a hand woven fabric from aphganistan which is a silk/cotton blend with a soft smooth and thick texture. it is ver rich and regal in feel. traditional mashru is rasta like in bright colors and patterns as you can see in these photos.



however when the Europeans traveled through aphganistan during the spice trade they had the aphgani women customize the fibers to be solid toned down european colors.

hence the amazing fabric i have been salivating over making my skirt out of.

unfortunately there is a dark side to my story. due to the war in the middle east and the influence of western civilization mashru is hard to come by. most of the fabric that is now woven is synthetic. meaning these rich fibers may be a dying breed.

this shows how wars can be disastrous on cultures and art.


now you may ask why natural fibers?

well first of all by buying anything plastic you are supporting the fuel industry being that plastic is a byproduct of petroleum.

also knowing that it is a byproduct of petroleum also tells you that it releases radical ions. which are also known as "free radicals" these can cause cell degradation which can lead to various diseases including cancer.

and finally it is more fire friendly. if you are into fire dancing, glass blowing or pyrology in general it is a safer suit being that when plastic materials burn they will melt to your skin where as natural ones will just burn and turn into ash.

so next time you pick out a shirt think about the thread and the endangered mashrus in aphganistan.

So I am just walking home talking to Dire on my cell phone and i guess some "good citizen" called the cops on me in one point of the conversation because i was describing the scenery around me and supposedly spinning around in circles looking lost.

So shortly after hanging up with them i met up with a female cop, though she was nice and explained the situation as i did to her that i was not lost i was just talking to someone on my cell phone on my way home from work.

She still thought she needed to profile me even though i looked perfectly normal. calf high boots, knee high skirt and big white jacket because it was slushy snow outside.

She not only asked where i worked and lived, but for my id (which i find no reason to carry with me on a day to day basis), my name and birth date and why i was wearing a skirt.

I found this extremely annoying because of the temperature and the time she wasted. i see no reason necessary for her to ask any further questions and was really offended. even though she seemed like a nice person herself. I just don't support that kind of unnecessary waste of my time and tax dollars for that extra 7 minutes it took her to ask me irrelevant questions

Oh i was heart broken! it still hurts quite a bit. :( I had to cancel my art show cuz my work cut back my hours which means less finances for living and for art show. Blah, I lost 10 lbs because i can't afford to eat enough right now for my active lifestyle. :(

I am sorry for the disapointment but maybe something good could come out of this.

So i have not been very active lately for various reasons. my neighbors caught on that i was mooching their internet so they blocked me and it is somewhat of an inconvenience to go down town to get the internet. also i was working 2 full time jobs for a little bit there and found it hard to schedule sleep into my schedule let alone the internet. now i am trying to get back to my saroku self. you know, being mischievous, creative, adventurous and lounging about the house in the buff all day.

so if you catch any inactivity in the near future it is because i am at home being creative with my next project, The Imperial Lotus Collection, which will be an art/fashion show i will be holding first friday in February 2008 at The Creative Alternative. I will fill you in with my progress.

So my recent updates have been:

-I have a new fancy digital camera and plan to have you tube videos up as soon as i can figure out how to compress the files. i will also want to start making short films with friends.

-i have a fancy new cell phone, if you want my number then send me a message and i may give it to you, the house phone has been disconnected

-i have a new miniature kitten named Valkyrie and once i feel we are ready i will want to start breeding her to make tea cup variations of some standard kitty breeds.

-i have two new pet rats, Ta-kun and Chi Dong. They will make Aphtarmathe lots of yummy babies to eat. they are very sweet and affectionate rats. I hope to have myspaces for Valkyrie, Ta-kun and Chi Dong soon.

-I have 2 female models for my show, I am currently working on their costumes and accessories. Persephone will be the Lotus Empress and i have a feeling that Melanie will be the Lotus Warrior Princess because she has a very warrior like grace that i would love to capture in my art.

Persephone:







Melanie:






-I decided to hold off on my calendars until next year because i don't think i will have them finnished in time and who is going to need to buy a calendar in february? so I am working on a Tarot deck instead.

-I want to organize a fundraiser for The Wildlife Images wildlife animal sanctuary some time in early spring so i am going around talking to local artists, preforming artists, band and businesses to see if they are intersested. If you are intrested in being a part message me. I think it will be amazing fun!

So today has been a really mellow day, sat around in my underwear drawing until around noon and then i cut my hair into more of a molko mullet, i love it soo. then i went down town to the reptile store and admired all of the beautiful reptiles. they have a lot of lovely venomous snakes there. they also have LOTS of half albino reticulated pythons so if you are looking for a cool pet python they've got a sell on babies! i got a couple of pinkies (baby rats) for my snake and then wandered down town to do the myspace thing. then i went to the new art supply store where i discovered the best eye shaddow! PURE PIGMENT! you can get like a little jar for only 2.50 and it is PURE PIGMENT powder so it is way more intense then mac and really easy to apply with a wet paint brush and it is simply stunning! I want to buy them all! then i went home to feed my snake with my niece and thn we went down town to look at all the first friday art! The Gypsy Monkeys where fire dancing for their first time down town! It was brilliant! Me and brittany had a lot of fun watching them and tommorow i am going to go hang out with them and we are going to have a post halloween party and we are all going to dress as geishas. so now i am chill'n at my sis' house and i think it is about time that i start heading home cuz i still have to dye my hair (going back to henna) and clean my bedroom and my rat's cage. I guess i outta fix my geta too if i am going to that party after work tommorrow.

Well I will leave you with my work scheduale so if you want to schedule a project or get together let me know!

11.3.7 12pm-9pm work 9pm-12am gypsy monkey geisha party

11.4.7 3pm-11pm work

11.5.7

11.6.7

11.7.7 10am-7pm work

11.8.7

11.9.7 2pm-11pm work

11.10.7 9am-6pm work

11.11.7 9am-6pm work

11.12.7

11.13.7 10am-7pm work

11.14.7 10am-7pm

And so I will leave you with a sneak peak at the Lotus Empress Eyelashes.

These Eyelashes where hand crafted by gluing individual lashes, gold finch feathers, baby's breath flowers and beads all individually with tweezers, then painting the lashes with a fine point brush and dusting with glitter. the entire process took three hours and i am pretty proud. i hope that all of my future eyelash designs come out at nicely. Right now i am also working on the empress's headdress, her throne and gown. I hope to start with the hair extensions soon.

1. Pick your 5 favorite OTPs (One True Pairing)
2. Find pictures and post them.
3. Give the name of the OTP and what fandom they're from.
4. List your favorite moment between them and/or explain why you love them




Paquita and Lionel from Dead Alive. Even though they are pretty cute in the entire movie I love how Paquita freaks him out when they first meet.



Tak and Zim from Invader Zim. I was really high and it was a while ago when I watched this episode so I barely remember it but zim is totally tak’s bitch, and that’s cute.

( More Cute Couples )

I'm sorry but for now on my journal will be friends only. i have personal things i would now like to document and if you think you are trust worthy please reapply or apply for a friend approval by filling out this small interview...


Why are you interested in me?

Why can i trust you?

What do you have that is beautiful inwardly about yourself?

How would you react if we got in a nasty fight?

What is most important in your life?

If your answers are to personal for other people just make your reply private. i can keep a secret better than jesus himself.

So like yeah i was braiding plastic in my hair but i can't do the back right so i am going to take them out and may some falls with them, most likely. These weekend alexis is throwing a goodbye galbladder party and i am going to try and rent a bunch of awesome porn, any ideas? i know i want me some edward penis hands. i am back on effexor now and even though it makes me feel like a robot it is totally worth it.